Truths to understanding and coping to move through and beyond the grief process.
Gary R. Collins / Billy Graham: it is a certainty – something most of us will experience at some time in life. “When death separates us from someone we love there is a time when we think no one has suffered as we have. But grief is universal” It is the method of handling grief that is unique and personal.
1. Death is a normal occurrence, which often takes place through a series of abnormal circumstances. a. Reason and death are not necessarily mutually exclusive, yet may be unknown. b. The unexplained or unusual does not have to be unaccepted. c. How traumatic the event is, does have an impact on the healing process and the time involved for recovery. 2. Everyone experiences grief, but not everyone expresses it the same way. a. Not limited to the event of death – new job, retirement, divorce, loss of limb or physical functionality b. Gender Distinctions i. Men – often a logical / rational process, inwardly contemplative. ii. Women – more emotive and outwardly expressive c. Social / cultural distinctions d. Personality and belief system e. Give everyone the freedom to express grief in the way they feel most comfortable – their way is not necessarily your way. f. Time and the processing through the event vary – don’t rush the process. 3. The grief process is often cyclical. a. Initial shock b. Denial c. Sadness d. Anger e. Guilt f. Loneliness g. Despair h. Gradual Acceptance 4. The grief can effect …. a. Physical health b. Emotion/cognitive abilities c. Social lifestyle d. Pathological disorder – Disability! i. Unwillingness to talk, or talk about the person in the present tense ii. Open or subtle threats of self destruction iii. Persist / deep depression iv. Antisocial behavior, withdrawal v. Excessive hostility, moodiness, or guilt vi. Excessive drinking or drug abuse vii. Impulsivity viii. Persistent psychosomatic illnesses. ix. Veneration of objects that remind one of the deceased / refusal to change the deceased person’s room or work area or to dispose of his or her belongings x. Resistant to counseling xi. Happy or euphoric attitude (“rejoicing in the Lord” though valid expression may be denial) 5. Ways of dealing / coping through the process of grief … a. Encourage open discussion about the event (goals). i. Admit and accept the events – face the reality! 1) Before an event occurs – death and grief will be experienced, be prepared. 2) Before the funeral – different level of acceptance 3) After the funeral – closure in part, but now functionally life is different. 4) On going throughout life – things will never be the same and should not be expected to be so. ii. Assist and support. iii. Overcome impediment to readjustment - return to normal functionality. iv. Help say goodbye and refocus for further future productivity b. Be present and available – make contact or be around others. c. Encourage expression of emotion and accept what may manifest. i. Don’t be taken by surprise by outpouring of crying, frustration, or withdrawal ii. Be a careful listener – allow them to work through the details and process all of the events leading too and after the event. iii. Don’t be pushy! iv. Help them make rational decisions and discourage them from making major decisions. v. Don’t try and be a theologian or attempt to answer the “Why God?” question. Having the right answer never changes the circumstance. d. Encourage participation in grieving rituals – traditional or non-traditional. e. Understand and recognize that grieving is a process and help each other through each of the phases. f. Pray for the bereaved and comfort one another with scripture and words of encouragement. 6. Spiritual significance and comfort a. Scripture states that all will some day die and be held accountable for their actions (Hebrews 9:27; Romans). We need to face our destiny! b. Jesus experienced and expressed grief (John 11 - death of Lazarus) c. Psalms speak of suffering and angry calling out / reckoning unto God for mercy and justice. God is a big enough God to recognize and understand our pain (Psalms 10; 22; 74). d. Death for the Christian is not an ending, but instead a new beginning free from the pain, suffering, and anguish of this world (Romans 5:10; Rev 7:15-17, 22:1-5; John 14:1-6)Prayer of Faith
We trust that beyond absence, there is a presence.
That beyond the pain, there can be healing.
That beyond brokenness, there can be wholeness.
That beyond the anger, there may be peace.
That beyond the hurting, there may be forgiveness.
That beyond silence, there may be the word.
That beyond the word, there may be understanding.
That through understanding, there is love
