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Three bottles of beer
A new gentleman walked into a bar and grabs a spot at the far end of the bar. The bartender went down to get his order and said, "What'll it be?"
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SHIPWRECKED
A recovering alcoholic is shipwrecked miles out to sea. He winds up on an
uncharted, deserted island and has to make the best of it. Five years later,
he finally spots a ship out on the horizon and stokes up his bonfire to get
its attention.
The captain of the ship, another recovering alcoholic,......
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A DRUNK ON THE SUBWAY
A drunk man who smelled like cheap wine sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
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BACK SEAT A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
If you can't seem to find anything to laugh about, you may want to click here.......
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12 Drinks A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick! Pour me twelve drinks."
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another.
The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you're drinking those drinks really fast."
The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got."
The bartender says, "What've you got?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
A skeleton went into a bar. He walked up to the bartender and order a beer and a mop.........
A Drunk at Church
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
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The Decoy Staking out a notoriously rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers, a cop watched from his squad car as a fellow stumbled out the door, tripped on the kerb and tried 45 cars before opening the door to his own and falling asleep on the front seat. One by one, the drivers of the other cars drove off. Finally, the sleeper woke up, started his car and began to leave. The cop pulled him over and administered a Breathalyzer test. When the results showed a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled policeman asked him how that was possible."Easy," was the reply. "Tonight was my turn to be the decoy".
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3 Brothers
There were three brothers who were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar every Friday evening at 5:30 on the dot.
When the brothers married, they all got married to their wifes on the same day and at the same place.
When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they promised each other that they would still go to the same bar every Friday at 5:30 and drink for each other.
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My Poison
A little guy is sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink for about a half-hour. A big trouble making truck driver comes up to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
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"Just water."
A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
The minister replies, "Just water."
The trooper asks, "Then, why do I smell wine?"
The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Elementary School Test
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BE RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED ie: INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN
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 | Click on the man-hole and Come on down !!!
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DRINKING LESSON A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded:
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
There's this juggler There's this juggler who's driving on the way to a job when he gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop sees three bowling bins on the seat next to him and asks him what they're for. The juggler proceeds to take the bowling pins out of the car and begins juggling as he's standing on the side of the road. About this time, a recovering alcoholic drives by with his wife. Upon seeing the juggler standing in front of the cop juggling, the recovering alcoholic says, "Man, I'm sure glad I stopped drinking - Look what they're making you do for a sobriety test now!"
Email us your jokes and funny stories, ha-ha-ha@GraceRecoveryMinistry.org
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