Same-Sex Marriage                                                Jeremiah 17:5-10

Today, I would like to address the issue of same-sex marriage. It is an issue that is occupying the news and is creating a divide in this commonwealth. Most of us have probably done some wrestling with it simply because it is so much in the forefront. While many of us may feel that it does not directly affect us as individuals, chances are it is affecting our neighbors, their families and friends, someone sitting in the pew next to you or someone they love.

Chances also are that if we took a poll today, the opinions among us would vary widely from full support of gay marriage, limited support for civil unions, a deep discomfort with or rejection of any legitimization of same sex relationships to confusion over how to begin to approach the issue. It is one that we will eventually need to address as a congregation. Whether same sex marriage becomes law in May or whether some compromise is reached allowing civil unions now or following an amendment, we will need to ask ourselves what we want to say to couples who seek to solemnize their relationship in the context of our church. 

The deacons know that it takes a lot of time and conversation for a community to sort such complex issues out and that we may not find agreement. They will provide further opportunities for dialogue to make sure that all voices can be represented and to explore whether there is interest and openness to taking the discussion further. Having the dialogue will allow us to explore and engage the beauty and the limits of what we mean when we say that ‘all are welcome.’ At minimum doing so will keep us honest and we will not be left without words when the question is posed.

I would like to share with you my process in approaching the issue and I hope that you will trust that I do so respecting that you may disagree. It is in my view a matter of civil and human rights that belongs in the courts but when placed in the context of the life of the church, it unquestionably also becomes a question of faith. I will begin with a look at scripture and the question of scriptural authority as it relates to homosexuality. I will also share with you my experience with a same-sex couple desiring to marry because we are not talking about abstract matters but real people seeking to be in relationship with God and each other.

The Bible is a tremendously complex gift and challenge to us.  While our Protestant heritage compels us to view scripture as the central source of the revelation of the will of God in Jesus Christ, we are not required to read scripture literally or to set aside any considerations of the cultural context in which the scriptures were written. After all, all writings, however inspired, were written by men living in a particular time and place, expressing at times quite contradictory understandings of their relationship of God and God’s will for our lives. This should not leave us with a sense that we can simply pick and choose what we like but with a sense of awe, humility and trembling at the task of wrestling with the scriptures in the light of our own context and experience.

Now, there are a number of passages in the New and Old Testament that clearly label homosexual acts as an abomination (Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27 etc.).¹ I have read numerous  interpretations that try to shed a different light on such passages but don’t find many of them persuasive. Since the Bible does condemn homosexual activity, the question then becomes whether the biblical judgment itself is correct. You may find it outrageous that I even ask that question but please keep in mind that we have raised that question countless times over the centuries.  We have done so because scripture can and has been used to proclaim that slavery is ordained by God. If we were to take this as the word of God, there would have been no Emancipation Proclamation, no end to slavery in this country. The bible has been used to relegate women to subservience, to justify male polygamy and to describe genocide and the displacement of whole peoples are sanctioned by God. If we were to adhere to every biblical precept, we would be stoning anybody who ever had an affair or pre-marital sex. Interestingly enough, banks would be out of business because the Bible is much more frequently vocal about the abhorrence of lending money for profit than homosexuality.

When it comes to homosexuality, we also need to remind ourselves that it was viewed solely as a perversion of human will, a sign of a deluded will and our fallen nature. The possibility that God’s creation involved a much larger natural spectrum of human sexual orientations was not entertained. Even the mental health field treated homosexuality as a mental disorder until the early 1970s. Therapy was intended as a cure from a disease just as many churches still approach their welcome of homosexuals as an opportunity to free them from their delusion and disease. That is not the approach I would advocate.                  

At a time when even clinical research cannot give us a clear answer about homosexuality, I find myself opting rather unscientifically and, to some extent, non-biblically to believe my gay and lesbian friends. While they tell me that they do not want to be solely identified by their sexuality, they do tell me that their orientation is not a matter of choice. Living out their identity as a gay or lesbian person is their authentic response to the way God has created them. This in turn leads me to consider that the biblical judgment is indeed wrong in this case. I also draw upon the basic tenet of UCC faith that God continues to bring forth further light and truth in our lives. I suspect that God is inviting us to broaden our horizons about the diversity inherent in God’s creation.

I am not advocating that anything goes. As Christians, we have to hold up all that we do to the light of Christ. He is the central revelation of scripture and yet he is more central than scripture. We also encounter him through the witness of real people and as a living and guiding presence in our lives by the power of the Holy Spirit. If we make Christ the center of our lives and understanding of the world, then all else is judged by how it relates to that center, scripture included.

Christ never addressed the issue of homosexuality. What he did challenge was all relationships between individuals and within society that were based in any way shape of form on wrongful exclusion, abuse of power, spiritual or economic oppression.

What Christ modeled was inclusion, integrity, love, respect, mutual responsibility, faithfulness, commitment and a radical trust in the providence, love and presence of God who loves us even before we can attempt to do anything to justify ourselves.

More central than the question of who sleeps with whom is the question of whether a relationship is loving, empowering, has integrity of spirit, exhibits mutual respect, full equality and faithfulness. Central to the question of whether such a relationship should be solemnized in the context of a faith community is whether those who wish to commit their lives to one another do so with a desire to have Christ at the center of their life together, to receive God’s blessings, to entrust themselves to the guidance of the spirit, the providence of God and the support of a loving community in good times and in hard times. 

This is what Tim and Kevin wanted to do. Tim called me in the fall of 2000 one day when I was serving Community of Hope in Madison, an open and affirming congregation. He said that he and his partner were hoping to get married and they were looking for a church that would welcome them and a minister who would officiate at their ceremony. He did not speak of a civil union ceremony because he had learned from his parents that ‘marriage’ represents the fullest and most complete way in which he and Kevin could pledge their love to each other before God and no other term would do.

I invited Tim and his partner to come and worship with us to see whether our community could become their home. They became very regular attendees and involved themselves in the life of the congregation. Tim, a music teacher, enriched our music program for adults and kids. Kevin, an executive with an educational software company, became an integral part of our visioning process.

The three of us met regularly for pre-marital counseling where I asked them to address the same questions that I would ask of any heterosexual couple. We talked about their faith journey and why it mattered to them to solemnize their relationship before God. Tim had grown up in a conservative Lutheran Church and had been playing the organ there as a favor to his grandmother. He could not be open about who he was. Kevin was also deeply spiritual and had been searching for a church home. They wanted to anchor their love in God. They wanted the support of a loving community.

We talked about core values, future dreams, finances. We did exercises to explore their communication style and strengthen their ability to listen and share. I was impressed from the start with their openness and vulnerability, their sense of humor, their ability to see their differences as assets and the fact that their core values basically matched. Tim and Kevin showed a tremendous capacity for mutual service and cooperation.

Both were also lucky enough to enjoy the support of their families. Tim is from a steady farm family in southern Wisconsin, worked with his parents and siblings on the farm, and grew up with grandparents next door. He had known from a very young age that he was gay and had a family that was willing to broaden their horizons even if it was not always without a struggle. Kevin grew up as a single child living with one parent in a homemade cabin in the mountains of Wyoming. He had to work hard as a kid to help pay the bills since his remaining parent was not able to support them and then died quite young. His only relatives are an elderly aunt and uncle in Wyoming who made the long journey to Madison to celebrate with their nephew.

I had met Tim’s family because they came to church from time to time but I met Kevin’s aunt and uncle at the rehearsal dinner. When I spoke with Kevin’s aunt, she talked a bit about how it was difficult at first to accept that Kevin was gay given her own up-brining and the general convictions of the culture around her. She said that she eventually found herself at odds with friends at the country club and other social gatherings who were clearly critical of homosexuality. When I asked her what made the difference for her, she responded rather unscientifically and, to a certain extent, non-biblically: “I know Kevin and I trust him. He is a marvelous young man and I am proud of him. I am happy that he and Tim have found each other.  I not miss this celebration for the world.”

When the big day came, members of our church decorated the communion table with white cloths, flowers and an abundance of candles. Betty bought two young trees that stood at each side of the table to represent Tim and Kevin who had chosen a poem that spoke of the necessity of giving two trees enough room so that they can each blossom and receive the light of the sun. The other text was from the first letter of John proclaiming that God is love. Church members played ushers and would later help with the reception. There was glorious music, a ring bearer, two best women, family, including Tim’s grandmother who insisted on being there even if in a wheel chair, and many friends and colleagues. Vows were exchanged and there was hardly a dry eye in the church. We didn’t have an official marriage certificate from the state. We had an unofficial one supplied by the United Church of Christ Open and Affirming Task Force. We entered the marriage in the church records.

Tim and Kevin are still together and active members of the church. They now bring their adopted son Joshua. His great-grandmother is hosting his one year birthday party next Sunday. She and a number of other women are included in Joshua’s up-bringing. He won’t be lacking love, stability, a sense of family, economic security or a loving church community.  Things will not be easy, though, if other children and adults in the society around them cannot welcome them openly. That is in part why they put their trust not only in each other but in God and a church family that will help them get through troubled times.

I do believe that by putting their trust in God, they have planted themselves as trees by water to quote from our text from Jeremiah.  “Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when the heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green; in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit.”  I have great hope for them and I hope and pray that this church will see itself as the streambed of the love of God where all of God’s children are invited to grow roots and put forth leaves and fruit and will not have to be anxious even in times of drought. Amen.