Jesus in Modern Times
Youth Sunday
Props:
· Big remote
· Man in recliner in the middle aisle
· Large signs for each of the shows
Jerry Springer Show
Cast:
Jerry Springer |
|
Noah |
|
Noah’s wife |
|
God (voice) |
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Neighbor – Chris Denning |
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Animal Activist – Mr. Rabbit |
|
Weather Expert – Mary Summers |
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Psychiatrist – Dr. Jones |
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Bodyguard / Bouncer |
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Crowd | Congregation and the youth group (not the above characters) |
Scene:
· 7 chairs facing the audience (congregation)
· Jerry Springer holding microphone and 3x5 cards
Props:
· 7 chairs
· cordless handheld microphone
Jerry: Welcome to the Jerry Springer show. Have you ever had one of those neighbors, or maybe even a family member that made you wonder ‘just what on earth are they doing’? Well folks, today we have that neighbor who no one wants and his wife who’s embarrassed and wants him to stop. Are you ready to meet the wife?
Crowd: Yeah!
Jerry: Well then, lets bring her out.
(Noah’s wife comes on stage and takes one of the center chairs)
Jerry: Welcome to our show.
Noah’s wife: Thank you.
Jerry: Tell us what you’re husband is doing that is driving you crazy.
Noah’s wife: Well, it began when he started hearing voices…
Jerry: Voices? What did they say to him?
Noah’s wife: To build a big boat.
Jerry: The voices never told him to hurt anyone? They didn’t try to convince him to drink the blood of a lamb?
Noah’s wife: No, no, nothing like that. The voice told him that a big rain was coming so he has to build a boat and save the animals and his family.
Jerry: Does your husband tell you who the voice is?
Noah’s wife: He says it’s God.
Jerry: So what’s the problem?
Noah’s wife: It’s just so embarrassing. I mean, this boat is absolutely huge! It’s killing off the grass in the yard, he spends more time with the boat than his family, and it’s all he talks about. My friends have shunned me, and we’re the joke of the town. It’s just so humiliating!
Jerry: Very interesting. (Turns to audience) Audience, are you ready to meet Noah?
Audience: Yeah!
(Noah comes out and takes the chair next to his wife)
Jerry: Noah, your wife tells us your building a big boat. What’s this all about?
Noah: Well, it’s quite simple… God has spoken to me, and has instructed me to build an ark. His instructions are quite detailed, but he is the master architect you know.
Jerry: Noah doesn’t this boat, excuse me, ark violate building codes in your neighborhood.
Noah: That’s what the city and neighbors are complaining about. However, God will destroy all of what we know, so I’m not too concerned.
Jerry: So what you’re saying is that you don’t care about your neighbors and government. It’s all about what’s good for Noah, huh?
Noah: That’s a pretty narrow view of the situation. I like to think that as a servant of God, that I’m following his command. God is going to destroy all that is evil.
Jerry: Sounds deep Noah, lets hear what your neighbors think. Let’s bring out Noah’s neighbor, Chris Denning. (Audience cheers, Chris takes a chair next to Noah’s wife.)
Jerry: Welcome Chris.
Chris Denning: Thanks.
Jerry: Chris, tell us what’s happening in your neighborhood.
Chris Denning: Well, when Noah and his family first moved into our neighborhood, they seemed like descent folks, but Noah’s turned into some type of freak. I mean, first we have the building of the ark – special wood being delivered on huge trucks, hamming throughout all hours of the day. The ark blocks my view of everything and the ark is beginning to infringe on my property. But that’s not all, then we have the accumulating all types of animals – I mean the stench from that alone is enough to drive you out of town, especially on a hot day! I just want things to be the way they were. But Noah here (points to Noah), won’t quit. It’s God this, and God that…. Come one, what would God what with Noah? (Sound indignant) He’s not schooled in theology, he’s not a preacher, he’s just some freak who loves to do some woodworking.
Jerry: Does this mean you no longer want Noah as a neighbor?
Chris Denning: It’s gotten so bad that I want to move! But how can I sell my house with him as a neighbor. The property values are shot! I don’t know how much longer I put up with this.
Noah: Trust me, it’ll be over soon.
Chris Denning: Is that a threat or a promise?
Noah: I believe it’s a promise.
Jerry: Noah, all of this sounds pretty unbelievable. Just exactly how is God going to destroy everything, I believe you said, evil?
Noah: God will make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Jerry: Oh really?! Let’s see if a weather expert thinks of the big rain you’re predicting. (Weather expert walks out and takes a seat)
Jerry: Our weather expert is meteorologist Mary Summers from the national weather service. Welcome Mary.
Mary Summers: Thanks Jerry, glad to be here.
Jerry: So what about this big rain? Should we break out our umbrellas and goulashes?
Mary Summers: No, I don’t think so. (laughing lightly) I’ve done some extensive research, and for starters we have no history of a rain this long ever occurring. Second, for a rain that large to occur, we would be seeing the cloud coverage and weather patterns months in advance. No offense, Noah, but it’s just not possible.
Noah: Yea of little faith.
Jerry: Not to change the subject, but have you ever considered psychiatric treatment Noah? I mean, hearing voices is not what we consider ‘normal’.
Noah: Hearing God’s voice is a blessing, not a disease.
Jerry: Let’s see what a psychiatrist thinks…. Audience, help me welcome Dr. Jones.
(Psychiatrist enters the stage and takes a seat next to Noah) (Audience claps)
Jerry: Welcome Dr. Jones.
Dr. Jones: Thank you.
Jerry: Dr. Jones, in your expert opinion, what is going on with Noah here?
Dr. Jones: First let me say that I have only observed Noah for the past few minutes, but I would like to spend more time with him later in a private session. However, to answer your question, I believe Noah suffers from an acute case of paranoia. Noah obviously thinks everyone is evil and out to destroy him. This ark is Noah’s way of combating his own fears of inferiority and gives him a sense of control. (Noah rolls his eyes)
Noah: If I may say something… I’m just the same as you, except that the Holy Spirit has commanded me to build the ark. I have never suffered from paranoia or schizophrenia or any other disorder, so please don’t try to label me.
Jerry: Noah, we have one last person who has a bone to pick with you. Help me welcome, Mr. Rabbit from the group P.E.T.A. (Audience claps)
Ms Rabbit: (Looks at Noah) Noah, we at P.E.T.A. believe what you’re doing is wrong. You are taking animals from their natural habitat and confining them in a small place. Worse yet, you plan on putting then on a small boat, further constricting their ability to move. Stop what you’re doing before we take matters into our own hands.
Noah: God’s will is more powerful than yours is. Do what you feel is necessary. It isn’t me that you will have to answer to.
Ms Rabbit: What kind of threat is that? (Angrily) What is your big bad God going to do to me?!
Noah: How long can you tread water?
Jerry: Well folks, we’ve run out of time, join us tomorrow when… (A large voice breaks in)
God: Jerry! (Large booming voice)
Jerry: (Startled) Yes? Ladies and gentleman, I believe you’re listening to John, our stage manager.
God: No, this is God.
Jerry: Excuse me?
God: You heard me, (pause) and I heard you… I came to set the record straight, as you would say. Noah is a faithful servant and he and his family will be duly rewarded. I wish I could say the same for the rest of you. (Noah grabs his wife’s hand and holds it) Noah is doing what is right and good. I wish I could say the same thing about the rest of the world. As Noah mentioned earlier, I am the master architect, and weather experts or psychiatrists cannot analyze my master plans. Beware Jerry, the end is near! (Loud clap of thunder is heard.)
Noah and his wife exit, the rest sit looking bewildered. Jerry takes a seat next to his guests.
BIG REMOTE CHANGES CHANNELS
Commercial (See the Bible Made Easy at the back of this document)
Weather Channel
Cast:
Ditsy weather girl |
|
Scene/Props:
· Girl giving weather updates
Props:
· Chart of the United States
· Weather signs, like clouds, sun, rain, wind, etc.
· Pointer
Weather Girl: Today looks like great day folks. On the west coast he have a warm front moving in. This high pressure will create a gentle rain in the Midwest, causing the holy spirit to move in and lift the spirits of all!
BIG REMOTE CHANGES THE CHANNEL
Commercial
The View
Cast:
Person #1 |
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Person #2 |
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Person #3 |
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Person #4 |
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Audience | Congregation and the youth group (not the above characters) |
Scene:
· 2 chairs and small couch facing the audience (congregation)
Props:
· 2 chairs and small couch facing the audience (congregation)
· Newspapers (OWH and USA Today)
· Coffee table
· Coffee mugs
Person #1: So, I’m reading this article and I see how this guy Jesus is at this lame wedding reception that has run out of wine.
Person #2: Talk about poor planning.
Person #1: I know…
Person #3: I was at this reception once, and the D.J. didn’t show up – talk about lame and boring!!
Person #1: So anyway, this Jesus turned ordinary water into wine.
Person #4: Woo Woo! This Jesus sounds like a party animal!! Go Jesus! Go Jesus!
Person #2: Talk about your cheap wine!
Person #1: Well, what I found interesting is that Jesus is some type of prophet who goes around and does these miracles.
Person #3: It’ll be a miracle if he has any free time left on his social calendar. I bet he’s getting all types of party invitations.
Person #4: Weren’t all the alcohol experts worried that there wouldn’t be enough wine and champagne for New Year’s Eve this year? Well, Jesus will take care of the shortages now won’t he?
Person #1: I don’t think that was his purpose, but I guess we’ll find out!
Person #2: Well, why we’re on the subject of miracles, I read in today’s USA Today paper that some guy named Moses parted the red sea.
Person #4: What’s the miracle there? Did he do the job in a shorter time than he promised – I mean that would be a miracle if construction were done on time or before? Am I right audience? (Audience agrees)
Person #2: Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to do be doing anything with the Red Sea. No permits, no licenses – he just parted the waters.
Person #3: And the reason being…?
Person #2: The article mentioned that he and his followers were trying to escape their tormentors and the only way out was to cross the Red Sea.
Person #4: Why didn’t he just rent a boat?
Person #2: None available I guess. So Moses raises his arms, and boom, the sea parts.
Person #1: Pretty wild stuff.
Person #2: When all his people crossed to safety, he put the sea back together. Eyewitnesses said it was pretty amazing.
Person #3: Speaking of amazing, I went to the gala opening for Barchaé last night, and boy, what I night!
Person #1: Tell us about it.
Person #3: First, I have to tell you who all was there….
BIG REMOTE CHANGES THE CHANNEL
ESPN
Cast:
Commentator |
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David (small guy) |
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Goliath (big guy) |
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Referee |
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Crowd | Congregation and the youth group (not the above characters) |
Scene:
· WWF match
Props:
· Chair
· Costumes for all three
Commentator: In the red corner, weighing in at 50 pounds soaking wet, David. (Crowd boos and jeers) In the blue corner, weighing in at more than he ought to, 2 biscuits short of a bunch, Goliath. (Crowd cheers wildly)
Commentator: Are you ready to rumble? (Crowd cheers wildly)
Referee: Let’s make this a fair fight and keep it clean boys. (Goliath snarls at David)
Goliath: I’m going to eat you for lunch little man.
(Goliath grabs a folding chair and tries to hit David. The referee steps in. While Goliath is distracted and trying to hit David, David ties Goliath’s shoe laces together. Goliath trips and falls, David gets on top of him. David is declared the winner.) (Crowd begins to cheer wildly)
Referee: Referee lifts David’s arm to pronounce him the winner. The winner and new world champion, David!
Crowd cheers wildly again
BIG REMOTE CHANGES THE CHANNEL
Commercial
Public Television
**This will be used during the offering
Cast:
Announcer
4 people on phones
Runner
Scene:
· Nebraska Public Television fund raising time
Props:
· 4 phones
· Table
· Pieces of paper and pins for the phone reps
· Coffee mug
· Bible
Announcer: We will return shortly to our program, Moses, man or myth. If you enjoy our quality programming, then folks we need your help. Public television cannot continue without the generous support of viewers like you, so folks please pick up the phone and call us at 393-4545 and make a pledge.
(Hand out offering plates)
Announcer: You can donate any amount you wish, however, let me show you some of the wonderful gifts you can receive. Donors pledging $25 will receive this free coffee mug. What a wonderful way to tell your family and friends – Hey, I watch quality television. Generous donors of $50 or more will receive this beautiful, leather bond Bible. This is a gift that will bring much reading pleasure, an item that can become a family treasure and passed down to future generations. Come on folks, let’s make these phone ring!!!
Runner brings the announcer a stack of papers
Offering is brought up and Doxology is sung
Announcer: OK, let’s thank some folks for their generous donations. We have Mr. Moore from Omaha, Mr. Smith also of Omaha, Diane Williams of Bellevue, Marilyn Kane, I hope I pronounced that correctly…, folks I can’t possibly read all these names in this stack, but we appreciate every one of you. We’ll now go back to our program, Moses, man or myth. We’ll still be here so please call us at 393-4545. Thank you!
BIG REMOTE TURNS OFF THE TELEVISION
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Mary was taking a walk in the Garden of Eden and God appeared to her in a burning bush and said, "Be not afraid". And she wasn't, so she went home and had the baby Jesus.
As Jesus was growing up, Joseph, his father, taught him to be a carpenter. One day, Jesus was in the garden and he came upon a fig tree, but the figs were all at the top out of his reach. So, he took his father's ax and chopped down the tree. At the sound of the falling tree, Joseph rushed out. "Who cut down this tree?" he said. And Jesus said, "Father, I cannot tell a lie, I cut down this tree", but then he mumbled to himself, "those figs were probably sour anyway."
As an adult, Jesus had three big adventures.....
Adventure
I
The first one happened at the seashore. Since Jesus spent so much time as a baby floating in the bulrushes, he liked to go to the beach.
He would sit there by the sea, parting the waters and letting them close, and parting and closing, and parting and closing.
One day a big fish leaped out of the water and swallowed Jesus, and he found himself in a small boat with a young boy with a very long nose.
They were stuck there together so they built a smoky fire that caused the fish to choke.
They were coughed out onto the shore and they both went back to their fathers, who were members of the same carpenter's union.
Adventure
II
In the second adventure, Jesus was walking in the wilderness where he came upon a giant beanstalk. There were angels climbing up and down the beanstalk, but they all spoke different languages, so they couldn't understand each other.
Jesus climbed the beanstalk and found a strange kingdom. A mean emperor sat on a high throne surrounded by many six-winged seraphim. With one pair of wings the creatures hid their faces, with one pair of wings they hid their feet, and with the last pair, they covered the emperor who was wearing no clothes.
The emperor was waited on by men and women whom he had forced into slavery. The mean emperor destroyed their town and stolen their prized possession: the dove that laid the golden egg. Jesus said "Let those people go!" but the emperor wouldn't, so Jesus ordered up a plague of frogs and in the ensuing confusion, escaped down the beanstalk with the people and the dove who laid the golden egg. He did not however, chop down the beanstalk, because he remembered how angry his father had been about the fig tree.
Adventure
III
In his third adventure, Jesus was traveling from town to town, shaking the dust from his sandals, but not having much luck making a profit in his own country. Suddenly he heard a great commotion off in the distance, so he climbed a tree, which he was glad no one had chopped down, to get a better look.
Across the plain he saw a pillar of cloud, a pillar of fire, and a pillar of salt. He also saw a figure running toward him. It was Zacharias. "Jesus, come down!" he shouted. "Mishac, Shadrac, and Daniel are in a hot spot! They're stuck in a sauna or a steam room or something with lions!
Jesus rushed off with Zacharias. When they got to the scene, they lowered Jesus into the sauna through a hole in the roof and he pulled out Mishac, Shadrac, and Daniel to safety without a scratch.
"Why were you in there?" he asked the three.
"Because we buried our gold pieces and now we can't find them. We couldn't pay our taxes, so the collectors came and took us away. The tax collectors were standing in the crowd murmuring. "We want our money."
But Jesus said, "Read my lips - no more taxes!"
To the three he said, "You should drop everything now to look for your lost coins, and when you find them, invest you silly men!"
And that was the end of the third adventure.
The adventures continue..........
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Announcer
4 people on phones
Runner
Mary was taking a walk in the Garden of Eden and God appeared to her in a burning bush and said, "Be not afraid". And she wasn't, so she went home and had the baby Jesus.
