CSI – The Easter Story

(Yellow tape blocking off the tomb)

DETECTIVE:  (Standing in the scene with a tablet) 

Hey _______.  The call came in around 8 this morning from this SOLDIER over there.  He is claiming that some men stole the body that was laid here Friday.  The stone must have been rolled away during the night.

HEAD CSI:  (Carrying a tool kit) 

Well, the body must have been taken—it’s not like it could have just walked away.

CSI:  Funny but really anything is possible – right?

DETECTIVE:  That’s what I hope you are going to tell me.  News of him is traveling fast throughout the town.

HEAD CSI:  How is that possible since it just happened a little while ago.

DETECTIVE:  There were some women at the tomb.  They were there to put spices on the body when they noticed the stone was moved.

CSI:  Where are they?

DETECTIVE:  (Looks around – notices them going through the crowd)

Hey!  Come back here.

MARY:  Wait a minute – I am willing to cooperate but I must spread the news – HE IS RISEN!

DETECTIVE:  Ma’am.  I must refrain you from interrupting in this on-going investigation.

MARY:  Well, maybe you should ask Mr. Sleepyhead what happened.

DETECTIVE:  Ma’am.  If you are referring to that SOLDIER – let’s go to the lab to discuss what happened.

(DETECTIVE escorts MARY and the SOLDIER to the interviewing room)

COMMERCIAL BREAK  (Song #102)

(In interview room – SOLDIER/DETECTIVE/MARY/CSI)

SOLDIER:  Liar!

MARY:  It’s the truth!

DETECTIVE:  Hey calm down people.

SOLDIER:  Where did they hide the body?

MARY:  I’m telling you he came back to life.

CSI:  Can we get back to the facts for a moment.

SOLDIER:  His disciples came during the night while we were sleeping and stole the body.

MARY:  That’s not true, he has risen from the dead!

DETECTIVE:  Hey, one at a time, please.

SOLDIER:  No, by Hercules, that’s impossible!

CSI:  Am I talking to myself here?

MARY:  Nothing is impossible for God.

DETECTIVE:  Will you two be quiet!

MARY:  Sorry, officer.

(Soldier sticks out his tongue at the woman)

CSI:  That’s enough!  OK, I’m going to start with you.  At what point did you arrive at the disturbance?

MARY:  It was early in the morning, just after sunrise.  Myself and two other women were on our way to the tomb with spices for the body.  We were discussing who would roll away the stone from the front of the tomb, but when we arrived we saw the stone had already been rolled away, and the tomb was empty!

SOLDIER:  His disciples came during the night while we were sleeping and stole the body.

MARY:  You know very well that’s not what happened.

SOLDIER:  Is too.

MARY:  Is not.

(Soldier pokes out his tongue)

CSI:  Sir, could you restrain yourself please?  Keep going ma’am.

MARY:  While we were investigating the tomb, two angels appeared before us.  We were terrified, we didn’t know what they would do to us.  But they said,

“Why are you looking for the living among the dead?  He is not here, he has risen!  Remember how he told you while he was still with you in Galilee:  ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’”

Then we remembered his words.

CSI:  So you knew the victim?

MARY:  Yes.

SOLDIER:  She’s probably covering for him.

CSI:  You’ll get your turn.  Now maybe you can tell me why he was here in the first place.  I mean he was young, energetic, seemed to have a lot going for him.

MARY:  He was arrested by the priests and found guilty by the Governor, even though he hadn’t committed a crime.

CSI:  I see.

MARY:  But when the charges were brought against him, he didn’t present a defense.  The Governor wanted to free him because he knew he was innocent, but the crowd kept shouting, “Crucify!  Crucify!  And so Pilate gave in to the pressure and sentenced him to death, and he was crucified and buried in this tomb on Friday.

CSI:  Can you corroborate this sir?

SOLDIER:  Well, there was a trial, and he was crucified and buried on Friday.  But I know nothing about men in dazzling white clothes that flashed like lightening who roll away stones from tombs.  Like I said, we were sleeping and…

MARY:  I didn’t tell you their clothes flashed like lightening.

SOLDIER:  Well, I just assumed that…

MARY:  And you weren’t sleeping at all, you were knocked out, out cold, scared stiff, like dead men.  You saw him, were terrified, and fainted.  End of story.

SOLDIER:  Well, I wouldn’t call it fainting, it was more of an involuntary unconsciousness.

MARY:  You admit it then?

SOLDIER:  No, no!  I meant we were asleep…

MARY:  You fibber!

CSI:  Why don’t you tell me your side of the story?

SOLDIER:  Gladly.  We were stationed by the Governor, Pilate, to guard the tomb of Jesus of Nazareth because the chief priests had remembered that when he was alive..

MARY:  He is alive!

DETECTIVE:  Ma’am, please.

MARY:  I’m not the only witness.

CSI:  I’ll get to those others later, I want to hear his side of the story.  Go on.

SOLDIER:  When he was alive he said that he would be buried three days and on the third day, come back to life.  They were afraid that his disciples might steal the body and claim he had risen from the dead, so they stationed us here.

CSI:  I see.

SOLDIER:  However, his disciples came during the night while we were sleeping and stole the body.

MARY:  Why do you keep using the same words?  Who’s put you up to this?

CSI:  Can we get back to …

MARY:  And anyway, isn’t it a crime to be sleeping on duty? Why haven’t you been punished?

CSI:  I’ll ask the questions here if you don’t mind.  Now what’s missing from your story is a motive.

SOLIDER:  Exactly.

CSI:  Why would he do all this?

MARY:  Because it was his Father’s will.

CSI:  Yeah, but what does he have to gain by it?

MARY:  He saved us from our sins.

CSI:  I guess what I’m trying to say is, what he got out of it.

MARY:  If we believe him, when we die we can be raised like he was and go into heaven.

CSI:  OK.  You don’t seem to understand the concept of “motive”.  These things you’re talking about are for other people.  If he died only to come back to life, what did this Jesus gain from it.

MARY:  Well, us, I guess.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(Scene back at tomb)

(Head CSI in bomb using brush) 

(CSI taking pictures)

HEAD CSI:  Don’t you think it’s a little unordinary that the strips of cloth are just lying in heaps, but this piece looks like it was around his head from all these hairs is folded so nicely.  What does this mean?

CSI:  There could be many explanations – whoever took the body folded it to confuse us or maybe it was laid there for a reason?

HEAD CSI:  (Shrugs shoulders)  Anything from the pictures?

CSI:  I did find some footprints outside of here and some half eaten bread on the side of the tomb.

We should make sure we get their shoes and DNA to rule out the soldier and the women.

(Back to Interview Room)

CSI:  How many people have you told about this?

MARY:  Only his disciples, because at first we were afraid.

CSI:  Let’s keep it that way until the investigation is over.

MARY:  I don’t think I can do that.

CSI:  Try.

MARY:  (Muttering)  I’m not going to try very hard.

CSI:  Alright, you said you were afraid, why?

MARY:  Well, the whole thing was awe inspiring.  We couldn’t comprehend it.  So I guess we thought we’d keep it to ourselves until we figured it all out.

CSI:  That might be wise.

MARY:  Actually I think it’s silly, but it was very scary.

CSI:  Perhaps scary enough to make you light headed.  A little confused?

MARY:  We didn’t faint if that’s what you mean.  (Look at soldier in a loser way)

SOLDIER:  I resent that!

CSI:  Because you were asleep?

SOLDIER:  Yes, that’s right.  We couldn’t have fainted because we were sleeping on duty.  How do you like that?

MARY:  I wonder how the Governor would like it.

SOLDIER:  What do you mean?  You wouldn’t tell him would you?

CSI:  I think that will be all for now ma’am.  Please try to confine your story until this investigation is complete.

MARY:  I see no reason to confine anything.  Just look at the evidence yourself, and you’ll conclude he’s risen too.

(Woman gets up to leave and starts to leave)

SOLDIER:  Hey, wait up there, I wasn’t finished with you yet.

CSI:  Hey you, you’re not going anywhere.

SOLDIER:  If she takes that report to the Governor, I’m a dead man!

CSI:  No-one’s going to the Governor.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(Mary leaving)

HEAD CSI:  (Stops Mary)  Ma’am, we are going to need you to come in here for just a moment.

MARY:  They just asked me all those questions.  I think I am done here.

CSI:  With your permission, we just need your DNA sample to rule you out as a suspect.

MARY:  There are NO suspects according to what he told us on the third day and he has RISEN!

CSI:  Ma’am, please if you would?  (holding up Q-tip)

MARY:  Ah!

(Mary leaves)

(Scene opens to lab)

LAB:  You are not going to like the results.

HEAD CSI:  Please tell me if you have found something to reveal who took this man who is called the King of the Jews.

LAB:  Well, call him King of the Risen.

HEAD CSI:  You’re kidding – when did you catch on to this?

LAB:  I didn’t  -- you have brought me DNA of Mary and she has footprints in the garden and fingerprints on the spice bottles.  She also couldn’t have carried the body.

CSI:  So you are telling me that Jesus – this man was taken by a UFO?

LAB:  Ha!  No, if you believe it, I believe that angels appeared to this woman.

HEAD CSI:  So you are saying that there is nothing that leads to Jesus being taken by his disciples or the soldiers getting rid of the body?

LAB:  I wish I had a better answer but – NO!  The disciples were all together except for this guy, Thomas – he was away from them and the soldiers – come on, do you think they could  pull this off.  There should be Jesus’ footprints leaving the area, and there were none.

HEAD CSI:  There has to be some explanation as to why this man is missing!  There has to be some scientific evidence that leads us to someone.

CSI:  (Showing pictures)  Hey, I just noticed this … do you know when (the Detective) was bringing Mary over from talking to the crowd?

HEAD CSI:  Yeah, I remember – all she was saying is HE IS RISEN!  I have seen my Lord and HE IS RISEN!

CSI:  Well, take a look at this!

(Head CSI and Lab look at picture in amazement)

LAB:  If you believe!

HEAD CSI:  Whoa, I guess I do believe, but we must rule out all suspects.  Let us interview this guy named Thomas and see if he has an alibi.

(All leave)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(Entering the house)

THOMAS:  Please take your sandals off  before entering.

(Take off shoes)

(Mary is there/Detective with soldier follows as Head CSI and CSI enter)

HEAD CSI:  We are looking for a gentleman named Thomas.

THOMAS:  I am Thomas – why are you inquiring?

CSI:  Sir, where were you about a week ago?

THOMAS:  I was out of town.

HEAD CSI:  Do you know this man – Jesus?

THOMAS:  Yes, I do – Mary has told me HE IS RISEN!  But I will only believe if I see him and the wounds he has endured.  Then I will believe HE IS RISEN!

HEAD CSI:  Me too.  Have you been to the sight where the tomb’s stone has been rolled away?

THOMAS:  No – the news of our Lord’s resurrection has traveled fast through the town.  But I was not there.

(A sound happens and everyone looks)

In awe – Jesus appears.  (Soldier faints)

JESUS:  Thomas you are wrong for doubting me.  Put your hand in my side – put your finger in the holes in my hands.  Believe in me!

(Thomas does so)

(Jesus looks at everyone else)

JESUS: Now that you all have seen – believe!  The stone has been rolled away because of me.  My disciples have believed so spread the news!  Whoever believes in me and the Father will live.

HEAD CSI:  I believe!

Everyone else:  I believe!

(Detective picks up soldier)

DETECTIVE:  I don’t think I saw any clothes that flashed like lightening – but what are you scared of that you were sleeping (wink).

SOLDIER:  I cannot believe it – he who has risen has risen indeed.  (goes to Mary)

Tell the Governor – I did faint!  I have seen and believe!

MARY:  Well come and follow for we will spread the news!

JESUS:  Peace be with you!