I. TO ENCOURAGE, WE MUST HAVE KNOWLEDGE
Encouragement requires knowledge and to have knowledge we must listen to each other, understand each other and empathize with each other. Scientists have discovered why geese fly in a V formation. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. When a goose falls out of formation, it feels the drag of trying to do it all alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. Geese even honk from behind to encourage those up front to maintain their speed.
Human beings are no different. As neighbors and church members we "fly in formation." We laugh together; we cry together; we console each other and lift each other. But we can't do that if we don't know each other. A nursing student said, "During my second month of school, our professor gave us a ‘pop quiz'. I was well prepared and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke! I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was a tall, middle aged lady, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, another student asked if the last question would count toward our grade.
‘Absolutely,' said the professor. ‘In your careers, you will meet many people. Each one is significant. They deserve your attention and your care, even if all you do is smile and say, "Hello."
The young woman continued, "I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name. It was Dorothy."
The world is too small today for anything but brotherhood. A poet said:
If I knew you and you knew me—
If both of us could clearly see,
And with an inner sight divine
The meaning of your heart and mine—
I'm sure that we would differ less
And clasp our hands in friendliness;
Our thoughts would pleasantly agree
If I knew you and you knew me
If I knew you and you knew me,
As each one knows his own self, we
Could look each other in the face
And see therein a truer grace.
Life has so many hidden woes,
So many thorns for every rose;
The "why" of things our heart would see,
If I knew you and you knew me.
—Nixon Waterman
As Christians we need to know each other.
I. To have knowledge we must listen.
A woman said, "My friend was a vibrant attractive young woman, who always seemed to have the world in her pocket. So, when she shared with me the heartbreak of betrayal in her marriage and her subsequent struggle as a single parent, I was stunned. So stunned that I could manage only an occasional sympathetic murmur, unable to recall even one of my usual ‘Fix-it' mottos.
By the end of the conversation, I felt I'd failed her completely. Imagine my amazement when she said, ‘This is the best visit we've ever had. I really needed to talk to someone today.'
It was a humbling experience to learn that she actually considered our best conversation one in which I'd said almost nothing. I decided I must learn to ‘trust the silences,' because often people need my listening ear more than they need my ever-ready mouth."
When someone asks you, "What in the world am I going to do?" he doesn't always expect you to tell him. He may want you to feel sorry for him and believe he had the worst luck of any human being you've heard of. He may want you to agree that he's been treated unjustly. He may want you to support him or compliment him on his strength and fortitude. But he certainly doesn't want your advice. He probably wants you to just listen.
A good listener learns to restate both the ideas and feelings of the person accurately. We may say, "You must be very disappointed," or "It's really hard to relax in a situation like that. Putting their emotions into words shows that we understand and see things from their point of view. Also, people often mean more than what they say. So, learn to listen, not only to people's words, but also to their heart.
If someone says, "I can't do anything right," they may be saying, "I need you to encourage me. I'm feeling insecure." If they say, "I need some time off," it may be because they are facing more difficulties than they can handle. When a teenager says, "I just want to go to my room"; he may mean that something hurtful happened at school. Listening is the quickest way to see inside the soul of another human.
As someone said, "God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak."
As Christians, we must listen to each other. James said, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak . . ." (James 1:19).
II. Then, to have knowledge, we must understand.
There is a great difference between listening and understanding. We can have a lot of information about something without really understanding it. More than anything else, people want to be both heard and understood. This is what draws people to one another, and holds relationships together. When the other person shares, show by facial expression, nodding or appropriate questions that you are really listening. You don't have to agree. Just try to understand. Solomon said, "Though it cost all you have,
get understanding" (Prov. 4:7).
Don't steal the conversation by saying, "Oh that happened to me, too." Instead, let the other person express what they need to say.
No one wants to be judged and few people want to be advised. Instead, they want to be understood. We should try to see life through the other person's eyes. This makes us more compassionate. A woman said, "One Saturday morning I was about to pick up our paper when I noticed our new neighbor
across the street, busily raking up piles of leaves. I called, "Hello," and waved my hand. "Great morning, isn't it?" Without answering he turned his back toward me and continued raking.
"Well," I said to myself, "If that's the way he wants it, so be it." In
fact, I was quite angry." Weeks passed and this solitary man worked in his front yard. Finally, one day we met face to face at the store. "Aren't you the lady across the street from me?" he asked, smiling. I nodded. It was hard to believe this was the same man.
"My wife's been sick," he said apologetically, "and it's hard for me to get acquainted without her help. You see, I'm deaf."
Now, the woman had to change her opinion of her neighbor. The assumption that he was unfriendly was incorrect. Understanding removed hostility.
As Christians, we must understand each other. Jesus said, "Listen and understand" (Matt. 15:10b).
III. Finally, to have knowledge, we must empathize.
To have empathy means to participate in another person's world. It means to feel their feelings. All people share a certain sense of unity; but as Christians, we're expected to have a special empathy for each other. A British Scientist reminds us of humanity's basic unity. He estimated that nitrogen molecules are spread evenly all over the world; and that we've shared at least two of these molecules with everyone who has ever lived. Just think of it! You've shared the same air as Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln,
and Jesus Christ.
A doctor explains empathy. He said, "My patients often ask me, ‘What would you do if you were in my place?' ‘If you had my pain, would you have the operation?'
My answer was always the same: ‘But, I don't have your pain and I can't feel what you feel, so all I can tell you are the risks and benefits of surgery, not whether to have it."
Then, a few years ago my position changed and I went from being a physician to being the patient. A ski injury caused a facial fracture and required surgery. Now, I was the one who had to buzz the nurse, to ask permission to go to the bathroom, or to have pain medication. I went from being the one in charge to being someone who was completely dependent. What a change it made in the way I approached my patients! Once I had experienced what they
felt, I understood so much better. There just isn't any substitute for
having been there."
An old poem says it best:
If I had known what trouble you were bearing;
What griefs were in the silence of your face;
I would have been more gentle, and more caring,
And tried to give you gladness for a space.
I would have brought more warmth into the place,
If I had known.
If I had known what thoughts despairing drew you;
(Why do we never try to understand?)
I would have lent a little friendship to you,
And slipped my hand within your hand,
and made your stay more pleasant in the land,
If I had known.
—Mary Carolyn Davies
As Christians, we must empathize with each other. Paul described empathy when he said, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another . . ." (Rom. 12:15-16a).
CONCLUSION:
Encouragement includes listening, understanding and empathizing. This should be natural for Christians, since we are all of one body. Paul said, "In Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (Rom. 12:5).
Later he said, "We are all members of one body" (Eph. 4:25b).
Jesus explained that we actually "receive" him, or let him into our lives by "receiving" or letting other people into our lives. He said, "Whoever receives a little child like this in my name receives me." (Matt. 18:5).
Once Sociologists tried to find out why some "kids at risk" make it and others don't. The results of their research were surprising. The difference has to do with what we call "significant others." If a child has the assurance that just one person believes in her, loves her no matter what she does, then that child will become a worthwhile adult. Studies suggest that a "significant other" can be a relative, a teacher, even a baby-sitter or the neighborhood handyman. A "significant other" can be any person who believes in any child.
The world is waiting for someone,
It's waiting and watching today;
For someone to lift and to strengthen,
For someone who won't turn away.
Do you thoughtfully question, "Who?"
'Tis you, my friend. 'Tis you!
The world is waiting for someone,
The sad world, so bleak and so cold.
Where faces of children are looking
For hope in the eyes of the old.
Do you thoughtfully question, "Who?'
'Tis you, my friend. 'Tis you!
The world is waiting for someone.
It's waited for years upon years;
For someone to soften its sorrows,
For someone to wipe away tears,
Do you thoughtfully question, "Who?"
'Tis my friend. 'Tis you!
—adapted
Is there someone in our church or our community who will remember you as their "significant other?" Is there someone in your circle of acquaintances who needs a listening ear, or an understanding heart, or an empathetic friend? Do you know someone who needs encouragement?
That's our job as Christians! The Scriptures say, "Let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stimulate to love and helpful deeds and noble activities; Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together as is the habit of some people, but . . .encouraging—one another . . Heb. 10:24-25a, Amp).
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(Word Count 1979)
This message is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2005 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE. The only thing we ask is that you give credit for
original material in PUBLISHED works.
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This is our 2005 theme series. Below is the Table of Contents for this series:
I-00 Introduction
I-01 Knowledge
I-02 Tolerance
I-03 Positive Attitude
I-04 Positive Emphasis
I-05 Positive Speech
I-06 Positive Response
I-07 Positive Actions
I-08 Forgiveness
I-09 Altruism
I-10 Generosity
Sermons numbered II- are from our Holiday and Special Occasions list of sermons. Those which are numbered III- are Miscellaneous Sermons. (These Sermons have been used before, but it's been over 5 - 10 years since I've used them and we have a whole new generation which hasn't heard them. They may be new to you also).
Email Sermon Service is a free service from Diversity Press.
You may find other messages and a book list on our Webpage:
www.diversitypress.net.
or www.diversitypress.com
Phone: 580-286-3148,
Miles E Wesner
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