ENCOURAGEMENT REQUIRES FORGIVENESS
Matthew 18:21-22

Encouragement requires forgiveness; and to have forgiveness we must offer it immediately, completely and permanently.

A woman was telling a co-worker how awful her former boss had been. Her new associate laughed and said, “So, forget him. Why not just enjoy it here?” Then the woman went on to tell a little story about herself.

“I’m reminded of the time I moved a few years ago,” she began. “I was making enough money to have a professional mover pack for me, and when he asked what I wanted him to pack, I just waved my arm and said, ‘Everything!’ ”

“So when I got to my new place, I saw that he had taken me literally. Along with my furniture, he had packed up all my trash bins as well, and there I was in my beautiful new place with all my old garbage, including dated newspapers, empty ketchup bottles and grapefruit peels!”

Do we do that with our psychological garbage?

Forgiveness lets us leave it behind and start over.

A student said, “My teacher had each of us get a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. Then we had to take a potato, and write on it the name of a person we hated, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of the bags were very, very heavy.

Then she told us we had to carry this bag full of the potatoes with us everywhere. We had to keep it by our bedside at night, on the car seat when we drove, and next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging that thing around made it so clear what a weight we were carrying. We had to pay attention to it all the time, and not keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated into a nasty slime. That helped us appreciate the price we pay for holding on to resentments.”

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person. While that’s true, it’s even more importantly, a gift to ourselves!

So the next time we decide we can’t or won’t forgive someone, let’s ask ourselves, “Isn’t my bag heavy enough?”

We need to empty that sack be-fore it gets too heavy and slimy. Or better yet, we need to quit putting those potatoes into it. Jesus said, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matt. 6:14).

As Christians we need to offer forgiveness.

To have forgiveness:

I. WE MUST OFFER IT IMMEDIATELY.

A common scenario illustrates this problem. A bitter wife said, “Sure I’ll forgive that man, when I’m good and ready to.

If you only knew the misery he’s caused me, you’d understand why I’m not going to cave in when he says, ‘Sorry’ for the first time.” She continued, “I’ll probably forgive him sooner or later, but not until he’s paid for the dirt he’s drag-ged us through.”

Years passed. The other wo-man married and moved out of his world. Slowly, the errant husband paid, repaid and overpaid for all he’d done. At last, one night when she herself was deep in trouble, lonely and desperate, she offered her forgiveness.

“It’s too late! You can keep your phony forgiving,” he told her. “I don’t need any of it now. I’ve paid through the nose for what I’ve done. Who needs forgiveness when he’s already paid?”

That’s right! Forgiveness is a free gift of love or it is of no value. Forgiveness is an undeserved pardon. When it’s postponed until the last angry installment has been collected, complete with interest, it’s pure vengeance. If you hold back forgiveness until the offender deserves it, forget it! That’s not forgiveness!

A Christian knows it’s cheaper to pardon than to resent. The high cost of anger, the extravagant expense of hatred and the unreasonable interest on grudges makes resentment out of the question!

A Christian forgives before the molehill mushrooms into a mountain. Before the infection of bitterness takes over! Hatred is like an acid. It destroys whatever container it’s stored in.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget the problem or stay in a hurtful relationship. It simply means you quit obsessing about it and complaining about it. You quit letting it affect your life. As long as you resent a person, they are controlling you.

Jesus said, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25).

As Christians we must offer forgiveness immediately. Paul said, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4:26).

Then, to have forgiveness:

II. WE MUST OFFER IT COMPLETELY.

A psychologist said, “Disease often comes from a state of unforgiveness.” In fact, the very person you find it most difficult to forgive, is the one who’s causing you the most trouble.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning behavior. It’s just letting the whole thing go. All of us understand our own pain; but it’s hard for most of us to understand that those people we need to forgive are also in pain. They were probably acting out of ignorance and stress.

Maya Angelou says, “Most of us do the best we can with the knowledge we have and when we know better, we do better.”

A victim of child abuse kept saying, “If my mother had treated me differently, I wouldn’t have messed up.” She said, “For years I used my mother as a crutch and an excuse.

Finally, I realized I had not forgiven my mother because I needed to blame somebody. When I forgave her, I had no place to hide. Then, my behavior became my own responsibility. That’s why assuming responsibility is a very large part of forgiveness.”

This does not mean we should blame ourselves for other people’s behavior. We certainly don’t have to say, “I must have done something terribly bad; I deserved that kind of treatment.” We can say, “She hurt me, but I can choose how to respond. Her behavior is her responsibility; my behavior is mine.”

True forgiveness relinquishes the consequences, but it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. Part of forgiveness is saying, “God, I forgive this person unconditionally; and I relinquish the consequences to you. Whatever happens in the future, I’ll let you do it.”

Also, we need to realize that forgiveness is a process. Humans can’t change their emotions simply by saying, “I will change my feelings about this matter.” The best we can do is to say, “Lord, I’m unable to change my feelings, but I give you permission to change them. I will let you to change them. If you give me a new set of feelings toward this person, I will ac-cept them.”

Jesus said, “If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven” (John 20:23).

As Christians, we must offer forgiveness completely. Paul said, “You ought to forgive and comfort the sinner, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow” (II Cor. 2:7).

Finally, to have forgiveness:

III. WE MUST OFFER IT PERMANENTLY.

Someone said, “Sure we buried the hatchet, but I still know where it’s buried.” That’s not forgiveness.

The great psychologist, Dr. Adler, liked to tell this favorite story: He said, “There was a group of people all crowded together, sleeping on the floor of an Air Raid Shelter during the war. When they were about to get to sleep, one woman would always cry out, “Oh, God, I’m so ‘thirsty!’ People told her to be quiet. But, just when they were almost asleep again, she would cry out, ‘Oh, God, I’m so thirsty!’ Finally one man said, ‘Can’t somebody get her a glass of water?’ In the darkness you could hear the shuffle of feet, and the sound of the woman swallowing the water. Then, suddenly they heard her scream out, ‘Oh, God, how thirsty I was!’ ”

There’s a profound lesson in this little joke. When you are hurt, don’t record it. Don’t hold on to it. Don’t keep re-experiencing it. Let it go!

When Peter asked, “ ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’ ” (Matt. 18:21-22).

If there’s anything that’s stupid, it is our frantic attempts to hang on-to our resentments. Those are the things that nearly kill us. It’s as if you’ve got a can of garbage. And I come and say, “Hey, let me empty this garbage for you.” But you clutch it to your breast, and say, ‘Oh no! Not my garbage. Don’t take that away from me. I love my garbage.”

I say, “Hey, there’s so many beautiful things to hold and so many better things to do, if you’ll just turn loose of your garbage.”

“But, I don’t want to give up my garbage.”

“What has it ever done for you?” I asked.

"It nearly killed me.”

“Then get rid of it!”

“I can’t give up my garbage, it’s the only security I know. It’s given me heartbreak, depression, ulcers and misery; but I can’t give it up.”

That’s ridiculous! As Christians we must offer forgiveness permanently. Paul said, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13).

Encouragement includes forgiving immediately, completely and permanently. As human beings that’s hard to do. When things don’t go right we are likely to “hit the roof,” and pronounce an instant judgment: “That so-and-so, sitting up there in church on Sunday and singing hymns as if he wasn’t a rotten hypocrite from head to foot - - -.”

If a passing thought comes into our minds that we are not perfect either, we comfort ourselves by saying, “Well, I may not be a saint, but at least I don’t do that! I’m better than he is!” This puts the other fellow way down and us quite a way above him.

We may justify our anger by saying, “But this is righteous indignation. This really was an awful thing that he did. We must uphold what is right!”

Then we begin to tell about the wrong. We don’t deal with the person involved. Instead, we go to others, who will shake their heads and exclaim, “Too bad!” In fact, they may actually enjoy hearing it.

This gives us a feeling of moral superiority to be condemning someone else. We seem to gain something in stature by putting someone else down.

With every telling, it gets worse. By now there are several more sinners adding to the sin of the first one. The situation gets worse and worse. It snowballs! Gossip is a killer.

We can avoid this destructive scenario by just forgiving in the first place. Now, let’s make one thing clear: if someone hurts you repeatedly, you must forgive immediately, but you are not expected to trust immediately. You’re not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.

Forgiveness may not heal relationships and make everything wonderful again. When God orders us to forgive, He doesn’t promise that the other person will change. Forgiveness is simply your part in the healing process. The results are up to God.

Can you do that? Can you just let go of resentments and bitterness? Can you eliminate grudges and bad feelings? The Scripture says, “Let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may simulate to love and helpful deeds and noble activities; Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together, as is the habit of some people, but . . . encouraging—one another . . .” (Heb. 10:24-25).

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This message is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2005 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE. The only thing we ask is that you give credit for original material in PUBLISHED works.

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