THE ALPHABET OF FATHERHOOD

The Scriptures say, "Children are a gift from the Lord" (Psa. 127:3).

Once the disciples came to Jesus and asked, " 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea' " (Matt. 18:1-6).

Yes, children are important. So, let's look at the ABC's of parenting.

A--- Accept children as they are. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged" (Matt. 7:1).

B--- Believe in the child's potential. "The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them" (Isa. 11 :6).

C--- Criticize sparingly and constructively. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).

D--- Discover their special talents. "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms" (I Peter 4: 10).

E--- Enjoy their spontaneity and creativity. "Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him. "Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read, "'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise' ?" (Matt. 21: 16).

F--- Focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. " (Prov.22:6).

G--- Give unconditional love. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34).

H--- Hear what they have to say. "Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance" (Prov. 1 :5).

I--- Ignore unimportant mistakes. "And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone" (I Thess. 5: 14).

J--- Join in their activities occasionally. "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin" (I John 1 :7).

K--- Keep them away from evil. "Avoid every kind of evil" (I Thess 5:22).

L--- Let them have their say, if not their way. "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:36).

M--- Make the most of their individuality. "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves" (Rom. 12:10).

N--- Nurture them in spiritual areas. "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." " (Matt. 19:14).

O--- Offer total forgiveness. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

P--- Praise regularly and productively. "A man finds joy in giving an apt reply, and how good is a timely word!" (Prov. 15:23).

Q--- Question them about their goals and dreams. "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" (Col. 3:2).

R--- Respect their viewpoint. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

S--- Satisfy their need for security. "Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children" (II Cor. 12:14) or "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (I Tim. 5:8).

T--- Take time to touch. "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt. 19: 15) "When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there" (Matt. 19: 14-15).

U--- Understand their problems. "Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them" (Prov. 4:5).

V--- Value their ideas and suggestions. "Therefore encourage each other with these words" (I Thess 4:18).

W--- Warn them about life's pitfalls. "A wise man listens to advice" (Prov. 12:15b).

X--- Exercise patience and kindness. "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

Y--- Yield control as soon as responsibility develops. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3).

Z--- Zealously defend their right to autonomy. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31).

Remember, you can't hire someone to love your kids. You are the only dad they'll ever have. Your place in their lives is extremely important! Your example is extremely important! Would you believe a person who claims to be a famous race car driver, but can't back his car out of the garage?

Would you believe a person who says he is a trapeze artist in a world famous circus, but is afraid to climb a ladder to change a light bulb?

Would you believe a person who claims to be the world's greatest psychic and then asks you what time it is?

Probably not! Why? Because their actions don't support their claims. It's no different when people say they love someone but don't show it by their actions.

Dad's you must walk your talk. Children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say. One wise former child wrote:

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
    And I immediately wanted to paint another one.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you feed a stray cat,
    And I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you make my favorite cake for me
    And I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I heard you say a prayer,
    And I knew there is a God I could always talk to,
    And I learned to trust in God.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you make a meal and take if to a friend who was sick,
    And I learned that we all have to help take care of each other,

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing,
    And I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it
    And I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good,
    And I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw tears come from your eyes
    And I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I saw that you cared
    And I wanted to be everything that I could be.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know
    To be a good and productive person when I grow up.

    When you thought I wasn't looking,
    I looked at you and wanted to say,
    "Thanks for all the things I saw
    When you thought I wasn't looking."

Now I want to speak to children for a moment: Did you know that there are many, many different ways of saying, "I love you?" Your parents may:

    Read you a story;
    Bring you a gift;
    Clean your room;
    Give you a hug;
    Send you a card;
    Or, they may even give you a command.

Now, that last one surprised you, didn't it? After all, who tells someone else "I love you," by giving them a command?

Well, parents do it all the time. They say, "Don't play in the street"; "Fasten your seat belt"; "Drive carefully"; "Stay in school!" They don't give you such commands because they hate you. They don't tell you those things because they've got nothing better to do. They don't give you orders like that because they want to ruin you life. Instead, they give you those commands because they love you. For example, they tell you not to play in the street because they don't want you to get run over by a truck. Their "commands" are very powerful ways of saying, "I love you."

Yes, children are a gift from the Lord. An old poem says:

    I am the child!
    All the world waits for my coming.
    All the earth watches with interest to see what I shall become.
    Civilization hangs in the balance,
    For what I am, The world of tomorrow will be.

    I am the child!
    I have come into your world, about which I know nothing.
    Why I came, I know not.
    How I came, I know not.
    I am curious, I am interested!

    I am the child!
    You hold in your hand my destiny;
    You determine, largely, whether I shall succeed or fail
    Give me, I pray you,
    Those things that make for happiness.
    Train me, I beg you, that I may be a blessing to the world

    I am the child!
            —Adapted from Mamie Gene Cole