ENCOURAGEMENT REQUIRES POSITIVE RESPONSES

Hebrews 10:24-25

July 17, 2005

Encouragement requires positive responses; and to have positive responses we must stay calm, exercise restraint and mediate conflicts with each other.

An old hunter said, "One lesson I learned from my dog was that he could kill a skunk, but it just wasn't worth the trouble. It's the same with us. In marriage or business dealings or church decisions, fighting over trivial issues and obscure doctrines is like killing a skunk. It's not worth the price you have to pay.

Today we have spouse abuse; road rage and gang violence. Such unresolved anger is even affecting our spiritual lives and causing church splits. If visitors witness "Wednesday Night at the Fights" in a business meeting, they won't be back. An old sheep herder in Wyoming observed the behavior of wild animals in the winter. He said, "Packs of wolves would sweep into the valley and attack the bands of wild horses. The horses would form a circle with their heads at the center of the circle and kick out at the wolves, driving them away. But when the wolves attacked a band of wild donkeys, these animals also formed a circle, but they formed it with their heads out toward the wolves. When they began to kick, they ended up kicking one another. We also have a choice. We can kick the problem or we can kick one another. In religious circles today, many seem to be more likely to kick one another.

This undermines both our purpose and our mission. A sports fan said, "I watched a college football game on television. Excitement ran high because top spots in the national ranking were at stake. But from the opening kickoff, both teams seemed to be looking for a fight instead of a win. With every punt return, every questionable call, tempers flared and scuffles broke out. Finally, an all-out brawl erupted. The referees tried to separate players, calm everybody down and then determine the appropriate penalties. Several home team players were ejected from the field and they eventually lost the game.

In later interviews, sportscasters asked why the players got sucked into the melee. The explanation: "We got distracted by the lesser of two goals, winning the fight instead of winning the game." As Christians, we must not do that.

Many Scriptures emphasize the need for peace. Jesus said, "Be at peace with each other" (Mark 9:50b).

Paul said, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace . . ." (I Cor. 14:33).

James said, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).

A spirit of love and peace must prevail in the church. As Christians, we need to have positive responses toward each other.

To have a positive response:

I. WE MUST STAY CALM.

A writer said, "Not long ago, I had a conversation in my living room
with a delightful seventy-year-old lady. She was visiting us from out of town and I asked her what made her such a happy person. She told me, "You know, Marie, it's funny. When you get to be my age and you look back on the past you see how much time you wasted being concerned over things that really didn't matter at all. Here I am, almost fifty years later, and it really doesn't matter that my son left the bathroom light on when he was a child, or that my husband came home late some evenings, or that I spent too much money on lettuce, or that apple juice was spilled on the carpet. I remember getting so excited and so upset over things that really were inconsequential in the total scheme of things. Now I know that what really matters is loving God with a pure heart and loving others with patience and compassion."

Christians must be the calming influence in the midst of controversy. Abraham exemplified this response. Once when his servants and his nephew, Lot's servants were at odds, "Abram said to Lot, ‘Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers' " (Gen. 13:8).

David said, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" (Psa. 133:1). Solomon said, "When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him" (Prov. 16:7).

And, "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel" (Prov. 20:3). There is a plant called the "Skunk Cabbage" that has a special quality of radiating warmth. It actually melts the snow around it and allows for early growth in the spring. That's what we should do as Christians. We must stay calm. Paul said, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Rom. 12:18).

Then, to have a positive response:

II. WE MUST EXERCISE RESTRAINT.

A radio announcer said, "I sometimes get bitter letters attacking something I've said. I've learned that this bitterness is not really directed at me, but at people who have deeply hurt the letter writers. I write back to these people, accepting where they are coming from. I tell them I wish I knew what had happened in their past because I'd like to help them. About half the time they write back and say, "Yes, you're right. I had a bitter experience with my pastor, or my father, or a friend, and it has stayed with me all this time."

So, when people are bitter toward you, step back and see if they are reacting to a hurt they experienced a long time ago. Then treat them with love and understanding.

Now, we're not required to be "doormats." But, being overly defensive and touchy reveals immaturity and insecurity.

In order to exercise restraint we can ignore many trivial aggravations and we can refuse to take every slight personally. Often we're just caught in the middle of someone's misplaced anger. Most people carry around bottled up hostility because they can't express their feelings. Then, some little thing happens and they snap. 

One lady said, "I was serving on a committee with a woman who vetoed every idea I suggested and made subtly insulting remarks. My first thought was, "Wow! What's she got against me?" My ego had been stepped on and it hurt. Then those words, "I am not the target," came to my rescue. I was quite sure I had done nothing to offend this woman. Maybe she'd had a fight with her husband or was worried about something, or simply wasn't feeling well. Once I realized that, I was able to pray for her."

When someone seems hostile toward you for no apparent reason, say, "I am not the target."

We can even turn negatives into positives. Entertainer Gary Moore told of an old man named Ling Toy who, for years, had owned a restaurant in his neighborhood. One day a young man named Wong opened a restaurant across the street. Ling Toy was distressed about the competition and began to spread rumors about Mr. Wong—how his kitchen was "dirty" and how he was too young to know "the real art of Chinese cuisine."

None of this, however, seemed to disturb Wong. Whenever someone told him what old Ling Toy had said about him, Wong would reply, "You must be mistaken, Ling Toy could not possibly have said that. He's much too fine a man."

Slowly Wong's good words filtered back to Ling Toy, and he was so shocked that he walked across the street and introduced himself. It marked the beginning of a long friendship.

As Christians we must exercise restraint. Solomon said, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

Finally, to have a positive response:

III. WE MUST MEDIATE CONFLICTS.

There is no spiritual gift more needed, than that of mediator, or peacemaker. A person who is tactful and level headed increases harmony. A person who can sooth ruffled feathers is a valuable asset to any organization.

There is an old Persian proverb which says, "Blessed is he who speaks a kindness; thrice-blessed he who repeats it to the person who has been complimented." Receiving praise in this fashion is really more rewarding than getting it firsthand, because you know no flattery or insincerity are involved.

Dr. Peale's wife said, "Years ago my husband, Norman, was assigned to a church where a bitter controversy was going on between two factions in the congregation. Each was led by a strong-minded lady; and neither would speak to the other. Norman waited until he heard one of the adversaries admit grudgingly that her rival was a fairly good cook. When he repeated this to the other lady, and revealed the source, she was startled into saying something faintly positive about her opponent. Back went Norman with this little fragment of kindness, and gradually the walls that separated the two warring groups came tumbling down."

Why not listen for these casual compliments and pass them on? You'll please a lot of people if you do; and you'll be "thrice-blessed."

Instead of feeding malicious gossip, we must try to extinguish it. President Harry Truman said, "The Buck stops here." We should say, "The rumor stops here." Refuse to listen to destructive tales. Express different viewpoints. Give alternative explanations when possible and never pass on a hurtful or negative statement. Instead, be eager to pass on any helpful or positive statements.

As Christians we must mediate conflicts. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matt. 5:9).

Encouragement includes staying calm, exercising restraint and mediating conflicts. Legend says that once upon a time the mouth, the hands and the feet said to each other, "We do all the work gathering food and chewing it up, but that lazy fellow, the stomach, does nothing. It's high time he did some work too, so let's go on strike!" Whereupon, they went many days without working, but soon found themselves feeling weaker and weaker until at last each of them realized that the stomach was their stomach, and that they would have to go back to work to remain alive.

It's the same with us. We're in this together. We must not fight among ourselves. That's deadly! Jesus said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 

A woman said, "I learned something one day when I was in the middle of an argument with my husband. I was upset because he hadn't picked up my prescription at the pharmacy.

"Here it is, right on the list! Bank, post office, pharmacy, cleaners." I waved the card at him. "What's the sense of having a list if you don't look at it?"

My husband gritted his teeth. I could see his jaw tensing. Silence!

Finally, he answered me, "Why do you focus on the one thing you think I've forgotten and ignore all the other things I did right? How about a little gratitude that I did errands for you in the first place?"

Then, he continued, "The truth is, I did go to the pharmacy , but they wouldn't refill your prescription. You have to see the doctor first."

Boy, did I feel foolish! Then it hit me. I was operating on what's called the 80-20 principle! My husband does okay more than 80 percent of the time, but I seem to focus on the 20 percent that isn't good.

Can you stay calm in chaos; exercise restraint when under attack; and mediate conflicts when they arise? That's "pouring oil on trouble waters." The Scripture says, "Let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may simulate to love and helpful deeds and noble activities; Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together, as is the habit of some people, but . . . encouraging—one another . . ." (Heb. 10:24-25a, Amp.)

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This message is from an unpublished manuscript © copyrighted 2005 by Miles and Maralene Wesner, Idabel, OK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM IN ANY WAY YOU THINK IS APPROPRIATE. The only thing we ask is that you
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