For Amelia:
Some Lessons I Learned From Your Grandpa
by Doug Cogburn
Contents:
Introduction
Be Your Own Person
Don't Take Yourself too Seriously
A Happy Marriage Can Last
Enjoy Life
Stay in Church
Letting Go
You Are a Precious Child
Introduction
Amelia, you can learn a lot from Grandpas, most of it fun, and even a lot of it that Grandmother's approve of. But the worst thing about Grandpas is that a lot of them don't seem to stick around long enough so you have to learn Grandpa stuff from other people, which isn't nearly as much fun. Your Grandpa Powell could have taught you a lot if he had stayed longer or you had gotten here earlier, but life doesn't often work out exactly the way we'd like for it to. Your Daddy and Grandma and Aunt Anna can tell you a lot more than I can, but right now they need their private time alone with their memories of Grandpa Powell. By the time you're old enough to listen, they'll be ready, but until then here's a few things that I learned from your Grandpa.
Be Your Own Person
The first and most important lesson that you Grandpa liked to teach to everyone and repeat it often in case they missed it was that it is fun for your and entertaining for others to be your own person and do your own thing. Now, he didn't mean do just anything; he didn't do things that hurt other people or were wrong or went against the Bible, but he didn't have much use for the little rules of life. If he wanted to mix stripes and checks in the clothes he wore to church that's what he did. If he wanted to ask a question in Sunday School that was unrelated to anything that had been discussed in there for the past two years, he would. He enjoyed pretending to be contrary. At the Administrative Board meetings at his church, there was not a unanimous vote on anything for years because Grandpa Powell enjoyed voting against what everybody else was for or voting for what everybody else was against. It didn't matter if it were his own motion, he would vote against it just to see everyone look around and see who was being difficult. Of course, we already knew, but we knew he enjoyed watching us. It got to be such a habit that if Grandpa were absent from a meeting then someone else would vote against whatever was brought up and announce that they were filling in for Powell. In fact, at the next meeting there'll probably be several of us tempted to vote the opposite of everyone else in his memory.
Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously
Another thing that I learned from your Grandpa Powell was that there is very little in life that needs to be taken too seriously. He had a quick and sometimes wicked humor that was never at a loss for something to say. Even when he became more and more ill and confused, he was always ready with a tease or a joke. He was the one who would say what everyone else was thinking or wish that they'd thought of, but usually he was the only one who could have gotten away with saying it. He was able to find something funny in nearly every situation, often to the chagrin of your Grandma, who would roll her eyes and look around with a look that told everyone she was helpless to do anything with him.
A Happy Marriage Can Last
You could have also watched Grandpa and Grandma and seen what it meant to have a happy marriage. They were married for many years, but never grew tired of each other. They enjoyed being together and traveling together. whatever your Grandma wanted to do was fine with him. When she was making macrame and cross-stitch to hang on all the walls he'd point to a spot and tell her that there was a few inches with nothing on it, she'd better get busy on something else. It was always fun to visit in their home, either just dropping by to sit on the porch and swing or being invited for a party or cookout. There was always good food and good company, but the best part was just watching them interact and seeing how their different personalities complemented each other.
Enjoy Life
Your Grandpa enjoyed life. If where he was at or what he was doing wasn't fun, then he'd find a way to make it fun. He could tease anyone about anything and always enjoyed any teasing that he got in return. He enjoyed doing anything that helped someone else enjoy themselves more. It was often said that if you wanted to have a good time to make sure that Powell and Mary Ann were there.
Whatever the situation was, Grandpa would find a way to enjoy himself. He liked going to suppers and he liked staying home. He liked having company over and he liked being alone. He enjoyed weddings and he enjoyed funerals. He liked singing old songs and he like learning new ones. He enjoyed going to the dinner theater and watching the show, and he equally enjoying sleeping through a bad show. What he knew and you'll need to learn, is that happiness and enjoyment are things that come from within you, not from your surroundings or circumstances. He learned to create his own happiness, so no matter where he was or what was happening, it was brighter and more enjoyable simply because he was there.
Stay in Church
If you could have been around Grandpa more you would have seen that it is important to be involved in your church and community. Various parts of his family have been involved in his church for over two hundred years, and he carried on that tradition. He held different offices, and there were very few events or services that he didn't attend. He loved to sing in the choir and would play the piano if nobody else would. It didn't matter whether the people in that church were actually related to him or not, he considered them all to be family.
Letting Go
Another thing you would have learned from Grandpa if you'd been old enough was the fine art of letting go. Everybody likes to think that things go on like they always have, but they don't. After he'd held an office in the church for so long, he'd give it up and announce that it was time for someone else to take over. During his illness he had to give up much, and it seemed to hurt us more than it did him. He had to give up singing in the choir; he turned over the copies of the church deeds he'd held for years; he gave up being able to attend church every Sunday morning and night. When he sent your Daddy the old green truck that was a letting go for him; letting go of his ability to drive and do as he pleased. It was a way of telling your Daddy that he would have to take over being the man of the family. When he was faced with the risky surgery that might end his life, he cheerfully let go of worry and of life itself, knowing that he was in the hands of the God he'd trusted for so many years, who had told him to not worry nor be afraid for He was with him.
You Are a Precious Child
The final thing you will learn from your Grandpa as you grow older and learn more about him is that you are a precious child. He was very ill when you were born; so easily frustrated and confused by even little things that should have been familiar to him, let alone undertaking a cross-country trip. Nonetheless, he and Grandma packed up and came to see you. It was very hard on Grandma too, having to look after Grandpa, but it was a trip that they would not have missed. They knew that it might be Grandpa's only chance to see you and to hold you and to know who you were, and that was something that was worth any amount of trouble.
Your Grandpa always seemed to love everybody; but his family was special. When Aunt Anna needed him, he was always there. When Daddy needed him, he was always there. When anyone needed him, he was always there. When you're older and looking at the pictures of yours and Grandpa's visit, don't forget the struggle he went through to be there because his family needed him to hold you. You may have been to young to have needed him to be there, but he needed you, and that makes you very precious indeed.
