Love Language #1- "Words of Affirmation"
Realize: Everyone has a particular emotional love language.
These are the love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving of Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. Everyone has a particular primary and even secondary language. If you don't learn to speak their primary emotional love language, you won't be as effective helping that other person to experience emotional love and so the love tank is depleted. The point is you must understand your language and you must understand your mates - often different from yours. Your MUST LEARN TO SPEAK HER LOVE LANGUAGE. It is the way in which they are most comfortable giving and receiving emotional love.
LANGUAGE #1- WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
I. What are "words of affirmation"? What is affirmation?
The word to affirm means to make "firm" again, so as to be established, upheld, strengthened. It is to see someones positive value and express it so that what was broken is restored.
When we A-F-F-I-R-M someone with words, over into their lives and
Appreciate someone's positive value. (with words)
Fix a broken, loosened, or damaged opinion of another. I want to show you how to turn around a bad attitude or opinion of a mate and see them as valued again.
Fill someone with courage... with words- to "encourage" them.. with words - is to put courage back inside them.
Inspire confidence again. (by building them up)
Re-assign value to someones low opinion of themselves
Make strong again. (with words)
The heart of the biblical message of affirmation is found in Proverbs 18:21 (NASB) Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Another important concept is found in Proverbs 12:25 (NASB)
Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down,
But a good word makes it glad.
An affirming person looks over into anothers life that is discouraged and feels de-valued. With a careful and thoughtful look, they spot something positive and valuable. Then with words- they speak life into them by witnessing or testifying of that persons positive worth or trait back to that individual - bringing it to light- and counter the woeful opinion that that individual had of himself or was passed on by others.
2. How can I 'affirm' my mate or my family?
1. Most important- Make a positive personal commitment to Jesus Christ as your savior and Lord. When Christ comes into your life- He lives in you and His life power through the Holy Spirit has no problem being a 'affirming' person to others. Receive His value and love for your life and your needs are met so your focus can then be upon others. Jesus gave His life for us, so he could give powerful HIs life to us- in us, and then live it - as us- through us. Gal. 2:20.His life lived through us is the power of 'affimation'.
2. Make a thoughtful- a positive careful truthful list of the things you have 'appreciated' most about your mate through the years. Put it in writting and keep it close- in a wallet or purse.Ã
As believer - thier is an added aspect of your affirmation potential. You become a positive influence of affirmation when you are re-stating what God has said is true of this person in scripture. Biblical leaders did it continually. Jesus did it with Peter. Paul, the Apostle, affirmed the early church in 1 Thess 2:12-16 and in many other places. (Check out the list given in "WHO I AM IN CHIRST' -another page on this website.)Re-assign positve value to them by witnessing the truth to them that they are God's forever loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted valued child!
3. Then when you are with that person,make it a priority to affirm them by sharing positve things FROM YOUR LIST - freely and sincerely in love. This should lighten the eyes and lift the heave=y hearted.
This is a lifestyle change for many people. Growing in your affirming ability will depend on how you see yourself- and whether you have a source of affirmation for your own life. Agree with God and receive Christ as your savior and your life as well. Then grow and as you grow in understanding you will strengthen your ability as a husband and father to encourage your family as well.
You are not to use it as flatery- flatery sounds like a similar activity but is used with an evil or ulterior motive. To gain power over another with evil purpose. Speak only what is true and not flaterous but with thier interest in mind. As you do - you will 'appreciate' - raise that persons value and affirm them.
This is - for the one whose emotional love language is 'words of affirmation'- this is a life line that raises a sagging sometimes erroneous opinion that one may have of himself.
List of a husband to His wife: (make it as specific as possible)
She cooks delicious meals three times each week
She makes the bed or vacuums the house every week.
She buys the groceries each week.
She does the washing and some ironing weekly.
She spends time at her job to help provide for the family needs
Add to the list things you notice weekly.
Consider the list of things God said are true about us...(Who we are In Christ link)
List of a wife for her husband
He hasn't missed work in 5 years - all for the family.
He makes the house payment each month.
He carries the garbage out weekly.
He provides money for me to buy Christmas presents.
He mows the grass or hires someone to do it weekly.
Consider the list of things God said are true about us...(Who we are In Christ link)
Speak these things with words of appreciation, value, worth, sincerely and watch for expressions to change.
Next week- Language #2 -Quality Time
Love Language #2- Quality Time
Have you ever heard someone complain in frustration to thier mate, "You are a good provider, but you don't spend any time with me!" Indeed, the need for quality time with a mate is important and especially to some whose love language is "Quality Time."
Quality time is a emotional love language. What people want when their need is quality time is:
Attention Alone- givn
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