September 2009

Foster Pure Speech By Taming the Tongue

For being such a small body part, our tongues sure get us into big trouble. As James 3:8 says, “No one can tame the tongue.” That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try, however. God commands his followers not only to avoid profanity and cursing but also to use our words to uplift and encourage.

Profanity conveys strong emotions, and strong emotions are the norm when you’re a teenager. Foul language has become almost mainstream for many kids, who are desensitized to the use of curse words as a social lubricant. Making teenagers aware of their language—and what God thinks about it—is a good first step toward restoring civility and respect. Next, give kids alternative, attention-grabbing, harmless words that can substitute for expression of joy or anger. Then challenge teenagers to use only “prayer” words; if they wouldn’t use a word in conversation with God, it isn’t appropriate in other contexts.

Gossip and rumors are other temptations of the tongue we all face. Teenagers, whose world revolves around social relationships, are especially vulnerable to idle talk about others. Gossips thrive on false intimacy and control, using words as weapons to intimidate. Parents shouldn’t ignore or make allowances for gossipy behavior. Instead, show how rumors, judgments and verbal jabs inflict real hurt. Most importantly, set an example through your own words and conversations. It will be easier for teenagers to steer clear of profanity and gossip when you do the same. Read on for more helpful ideas.

If parents set themselves up as verbal morality police, they’ll reap frustration. So go after a deeper change by conveying the impact of language.

1. Scripture takes a stand. There isn’t much gray area. God makes it clear that obscenity has no place coming out of the mouth of a Christ-follower. (See Ephesians 5:4.)

2. Unconditional love is impossible with foul language. Cursing does nothing to communicate grace.

3. Obscenities are a fake alternative to real power (and real humor). Challenge kids to true maturity. Any numskull can get a laugh using profanity to shock.

4. Cursing undermines integrity. A word that’s acceptable only in limited company or location shouldn’t be used at all.

5. Foul language speaks poorly of you. Consider your impression of kids who cuss. They usually seem rude and uneducated.

6. Clean language is the ultimate rebellion. The world notices and respects people who refrain from using profanity.

As profanity and gossip run rampant, that kind of language is losing its stigma among young people.

· In an AP-Ipsos poll, young people acknowledge swearing in conversations at least a few times per week. Eight percent of respondents say they use the “f-word” several times a day.

· When Gallup researchers asked 13- to 17-year-olds to rank a long list of “serious behaviors,” kids considered “using profanity in public” to be the least serious offense of all.

· Researcher Robin Dunbar found that as much as 65% of people’s everyday conversations could be defined as gossip.

(apa.org)

Great Questions

to Ask Your Kids

Harness the power of speech to touch base with your teenagers about the use of words.

1. Why are words so powerful? What impressions do you form about people by listening to them talk?

2. What effects have gossip and swearing had on your relationships with friends? Do they affect how you choose friends? Why or why not?

3. What do your words say about your character? about your relationship with Jesus?

4. What sins of the tongue do you struggle with the most, and why? How can you avoid future temptations?

PRAY THAT:

1. Your teenagers will realize the power of their words and harness that power for good, not evil.

2. Your teenagers will show love through their words—love for others by not spreading gossip, and love for God by not misusing his name.

3. Your family will speak kindly of each other, with words that affirm, respect, and include.

4. Other people will know that your family and your teenagers are Christians by what comes out of their mouths.

Verse of the Month

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29)

God not only instructs us to avoid coarse language and gossip; he also lets us know what should be pouring out of our mouths instead. Because our words reflect what’s in our hearts, they should be gracious, loving, and uplifting. People should notice our faith just by listening to us.

What’s Up With Kids

The small-group study guide Guy Talk, Girl Talk contains a chapter on gossip called “Can You Keep a Secret?” Use the insights from this excerpt to overcome a destructive habit.

Gossip isn’t only a modern-day problem. It was occurring in the early church, too. So many people have been hurt by gossip. But Scripture offers advice and hope for silencing this sin. For example, Proverbs 20:19 tells us how to choose friends, saying the quality of a friendship will be determined by how much a person talks. And Matthew 5:23-26 instructs us about the correct way to handle conflict. Instead of gossiping, we should go directly to the person and work out our problem. Here are three Bible-based tips for learning to keep a secret:

1. Realize the root of gossip is about your character. The very act of gossip goes deeper than the surface; it describes the heart of the person sharing it. When we share secrets that friends have confided in us or talk about what we “heard,” it’s often because we know that attention will be diverted away from us. We need to examine our hearts before anyone will be able to keep a secret.

2. Understand that gossip always leads to pain. Gossip never…EVER…leads to good, even when it comes in the form of a prayer request! Whether the pain is minor or deep, gossip hurts those it’s about and those who are spreading it.

3. Acknowledge that great friendships can come out of making a commitment to stay gossip-free. Finding a friend you can trust is one of the best joys in life. We all need close friends, and close friendships can develop only in the safety of knowing that what you share in private will stay private.